Written and posted on Instagram September 19, 2021 on my 68th birthday, added text in blue September 2022.
|Chilton County HS 1971|
I've come a long way and outgrown so much, like being too quick to criticize and judge others, which is a typical Virgo trait. I corrected that in my personality a long time ago. Since then I practice when people show you who they are, believe them and either I accept them as they are without expecting them to change or I distance myself from them.
There was a time that I overthought things. However, I went to God in prayer and asked for His help in healing my mind of it. He enlightened me that overthinking happens when I'm wrestling with the things that I cannot change. My attitude became cemented in Qué será, será, which means Whatever will be, will be. I'm still discovering and rediscovering things about myself, even now at age 68, and I’m continually growing spiritually even now at age 69 and I like that.
I've survived a lot . . . the death of both parents by age 11, years of mental torture and violent beatings by a stepmother who was filled with anger from her own childhood trauma and was incapable of loving me as a parent, an emancipated minor at age 16, divorce, single parenting, and sometimes unrelenting financial instability.
These struggles were challenges to my faith, intended to break my spirit, to cause me to turn away from God. Instead of cursing my struggles, I blessed them. They did not crush me, they made me more determined. They helped me to become a kinder and more loving, empathetic, compassionate and sympathetic person. They brought me closer to God where I fell deeply in love with myself by forgiving me for my of transgressions and accepting me as God accepts me.
God blessed me with a son and two daughters, and my daughters blessed me with seven grandchildren between them. I lived in Japan for two years with my ex-husband who was in the U.S. Air Force. I’ve traveled a lot throughout the U.S. and I lived in California for 26 years, where all three of my children were born, before relocating to the East coast in 1996.
It was at age 16 that I discovered that writing was my God-given talent which comes to me as natural as breathing. Thus far I’ve written well over a quarter million words: two linear novels, published a book of life-affirming essays, publisher and editor of a magazine/journal, published a poetry book, published articles, essays, and poetry, and wrote five songs and recorded a demo of them, and other writings.
It was through writing that I confronted my fears. I’ve written works of fiction to address things from my past that haunted me by creating characters to portray my inner turmoil and pain. I've written nonfiction to encourage and inspire others, and business and technical writings to earn money.
I graduated from college with a degree in social science and computer technology in 1978. I designed the curriculum and implemented the first vocational computer programming and word processing course in the State of California in 1981, and taught the course for high school students and adults in the Los Angeles County school district for seven years. The curriculum that I created became the foundation for future computer technology training courses in the state. In addition, as an educator one of my fondest and rewarding life assignments was teaching a semester of Civics and Social Studies at the eighth grade level in Fairfax County Virginia.
I know without a hint of doubt that God is real. No one can convince me otherwise. I can feel His love flow through my veins. I discovered that connection at age 10. He is not a religion. Religion did not create God. I praise Him for allowing me to lean on Him during times when it’s too hard for me to stand on my own. He’s the reason that I’ve made it this far. I promised Him in 1978 that I would not become too attached to people, places, or things that keep me from fulfilling His purpose for me, that I would be a faithful servant and go wherever He leads me, and do what He wants me to do. There are times that I don't initially understand His way, why He guided me down a certain path or to a certain place, but I trust Him completely.
I accept ALL of my past, the good, the bad, the ugly. I have!
|Angela (L) Me (R) 1985|
My hope is boundless. It knows no end because God is the God of the impossible. He is a waymaker, problem solver, promise keeper, miracle worker. I am stubbornly faithful. I trust Him completely even in the darkest moments. Faith has taught me that the fulfillment of my hopes and dreams come when I trust God's perfect timing - when I'm patient with Him - when I don't lean to my own understanding of how or when or where He should answer my prayer. Patience was something that I had to learn because there was a time in my life that it was sorely lacking. It’s not what happens to me that propels me forward, it's how I handle it.
Over many years, I’ve grown spiritually to understand the belief in one love, loving everyone from the highest version of myself, that’s my spirit-self.
I believe in the Indian guru Sadhguru’s philosophy that if one can become love, instead of just loving somebody from feelings then one will know the true nature of love. The inherent features of love when seen as characteristics of it are tolerance, acceptance, consideration and kindness. Love never boasts. It does not mock or ridicule. It is not envy or jealous. Love does not denigrate or demoralize. Love always lifts you up, it never puts you down.
It's been many years since I made an intimate commitment to love, but I never fell out of love with love. I never stopped swaying and rocking to love songs or feeling their intensity or imagining being swept off my feet. Once I’m settled in my new home, I'm going to stop and listen to my heart and see what it's saying. It’s time to give intimate commitment another chance. I’m ready.
It’s not the end of the life in my years, but a continuation and hopefully many more years to come. Some of my best days are still ahead of me.